Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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