you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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