I puked a lego.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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