don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
