You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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