I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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