Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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