im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Someone signed my nipple.
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