I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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