is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
