Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
