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Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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