Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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