I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
