omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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