apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
