It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
