Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
