In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
