we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
