fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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