I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
