my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
