I can text with my tongue
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
