flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
