Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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