i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Found the puke drawer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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