I cannot find my penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
