She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
