In the future we'll all be gay
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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