I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
