sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
