So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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