You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
