I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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