in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
