Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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