I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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