I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
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For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else