So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
