were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??