OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.