tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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