I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
