Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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