Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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