My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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