We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
