Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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