i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
