Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
