i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
