No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
