but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
