My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize