I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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