remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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