I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
