I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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