My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
